1 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:54,540 Where did you pop up from? 2 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,720 Well, you keep away from me. 3 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,480 I'll scream. I'm warning you. 4 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,340 Get your clothes off. 5 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,060 What? Now. 6 00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:08,040 Please. Please don't hurt me. 7 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,400 Get them off. 8 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:14,340 On second thoughts, that uniform's eternal. 9 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:16,480 Lay on the bed. 10 00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:18,380 Please. Down. 11 00:01:24,770 --> 00:01:27,270 So, are you going to tell me what you're doing here? 12 00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:29,410 I've booked into this establishment. 13 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,090 This is my room. 14 00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:39,210 You know, that uniform really is a turn -on. 15 00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:41,950 You can tell me what all this is about. 16 00:01:42,850 --> 00:01:43,850 Later. 17 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:28,610 Well, two days have been on the excessive side, hasn't it? 18 00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:31,430 Now you look at it. What are we supposed to learn we don't already know? 19 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:34,070 Think of it as a break from the old routine. 20 00:02:34,350 --> 00:02:35,370 All expenses paid. 21 00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:37,330 Yeah. 22 00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,120 Something wrong, Mr. Clay? 23 00:02:57,380 --> 00:02:59,140 Something wrong, Miss Powell, something wrong. 24 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,020 Yes, I should say there was something wrong. 25 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,760 Something most definitely and irrefutably wrong. 26 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,040 Oh, dear. 27 00:03:05,460 --> 00:03:06,960 Is there anything I can do to help? 28 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,900 We live in a sick society, Miss Powell. 29 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:11,680 People are disgusting. 30 00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:13,740 The people who stay in this hotel are disgusting. 31 00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:17,980 I hate them. I loathe them, Miss Powell. No, you don't, Mr. Clay. 32 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,460 Just because you're upset. 33 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:20,940 No, I do. I do. 34 00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:24,600 Have you any idea what is in this box? Have you any idea? 35 00:03:25,020 --> 00:03:26,020 No. 36 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,420 I wouldn't offend your sensibilities by telling you. 37 00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:32,300 Suffice it to say, a symbol of rampant depravity. 38 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:37,980 Really? And what is worse, what I find deeply offensive, is that the discovery 39 00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:40,920 of this object by one of the chambermaids has left her completely 40 00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:44,280 Oh, dear. In that case, shouldn't you... I mean, we do have a doctor staying. 41 00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:46,900 She is hysterical with laughter, Miss Powell. 42 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:48,360 Laughter. 43 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,940 I shall ask the porter to incinerate this disgusting object forthwith. 44 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:17,060 I wouldn't have thought it was the sort of thing Phillips had been invited along 45 00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,420 to. Olly, it is it? 46 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:19,640 Just curious. 47 00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:20,779 He's young and he's keen. 48 00:04:20,899 --> 00:04:21,940 You can say that again. 49 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:26,060 What I was about to say was that an officer of your experience would have 50 00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:29,460 probably heard it all before. On the other hand, someone as young as Phillips 51 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:31,360 probably hasn't. Do I have to explain the logic? 52 00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:32,820 I was only asking. 53 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,240 And I was only telling. 54 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,560 Hello, girls. How are you doing? 55 00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:45,040 Could be better, Mario. 56 00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:47,640 I blame the recession if I knew how. 57 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,740 I know the feeling. Things are very slow. 58 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,040 Me, I blame the prices. 59 00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,840 London has the most expensive hotels in the world. 60 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,320 Hardly here. 61 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,960 Compared to similar elsewhere, still very pricey. 62 00:04:58,580 --> 00:05:01,900 Never mind. In a minute, I open up the bar, I get you both a drink. Cheer you 63 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:02,900 up. Great. 64 00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:05,020 Is that from one of your bottles of the hotels? 65 00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:08,360 And then maybe I point out a couple of pandas for you. 66 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:09,900 Wonderful. 67 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,920 It's the usual, huh? Yes. 68 00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:25,980 Mario. 69 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,140 Mr. Clegg. Have you seen that bloody maitre d' of mine? 70 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,000 Giorgio. No, Mr. Clegg. Is he not in the restaurant? 71 00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:40,160 If he was, no, he is not in the restaurant. 72 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:44,400 A situation I find very odd, not to say bizarre, as that is where he is paid to 73 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,400 be. 74 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,940 And one of the coffee waitresses is missing. 75 00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:54,650 The assistant manager, he's a crazy man. 76 00:05:55,870 --> 00:05:57,910 So long as he's not observant. 77 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,310 I understand the governor's staying over. 78 00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:13,290 He's out of courtesy, I would say. 79 00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:15,390 Well, he's set it all up. 80 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:19,660 And the old colleague of our guest speaker, it's Commander Dan Mason. 81 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,500 I've heard of him. Rabbit disciplinarian in his day, wasn't he? 82 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,300 That's all you'd notice. He thought Robert Martin was too soft on rotten 83 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,420 which is why he left the job. 84 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:41,770 Good morning. Good morning. I'm Detective Inspector Forbes. I rang in 85 00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:42,770 about the conference. 86 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:47,270 I'm afraid the manager's off sick, but I'm sure our assistant manager, Mr. 87 00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:49,710 Clegg, will be happy to accommodate you. He's over there. 88 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:52,950 I'll see if he is available. 89 00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:58,110 No, maybe he loves animals. 90 00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:01,330 Talking of which, last time I attended one of these functions, two of the 91 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:04,470 provincial lads ended up having a drunken brawl up and down the corridors 92 00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:05,470 couple of owls up from the mess. 93 00:07:05,870 --> 00:07:08,510 Thank you. Nothing more reassuring anecdotes of it. 94 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:12,170 Police? 95 00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:25,900 They're just here a bit early to see about the facilities and check the 96 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,080 accommodations for their conference. 97 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,300 Oh, God, yes, I'd forgotten about that. 98 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:34,220 I may go now, Mr. Clegg. Oh, yes, and remember what I said. 99 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,260 Oh, yes, of course, Miss Cousy. 100 00:07:37,780 --> 00:07:38,780 Mr. Clegg? 101 00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:42,560 What are you doing here? 102 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:45,840 What was that? 103 00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:49,660 I said, now you can tell me what you're doing here. 104 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:52,600 I'm a romantic. 105 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,380 I did it for love. 106 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,160 Bullshit. I didn't tell you I worked here. 107 00:07:58,680 --> 00:07:59,680 Yes, you did. 108 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,540 How else would I have known? 109 00:08:02,260 --> 00:08:04,580 Well, I don't remember telling you. 110 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:11,180 Yeah, well, as I recall, you were a little bit excited and preoccupied at 111 00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:15,140 time. But... Every lady loves one. 112 00:08:15,980 --> 00:08:18,220 What? I can't hear you. 113 00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:19,460 I said... 114 00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:21,290 You've got a lovely butt. 115 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:24,750 Is there room for two in here? 116 00:08:28,330 --> 00:08:30,650 Oh, look, not now, Ralph. I'm not behind. 117 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,490 I wouldn't say that. 118 00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:34,650 Oh, look, get up, will you? 119 00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:38,730 Tired, tired, aren't you? 120 00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:41,010 Tired. How about laughing? 121 00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:42,210 I'll be busy. 122 00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,710 Some of them are still waiting for the room. 123 00:08:45,630 --> 00:08:47,510 We've got a police convention today. 124 00:08:48,350 --> 00:08:49,550 A what to a pension? 125 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:53,570 I have to tell you, my friend, the man has got the brains of a trout. You don't 126 00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:54,930 have to tell me, Giorgio. Here. 127 00:08:55,170 --> 00:08:57,210 Do you know what was found in one of the rooms this morning? 128 00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:02,670 We do have a larger room, of course, but as yours is a smaller party than we 129 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:05,550 usually cater for, I think you'll find this should suit your purposes 130 00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:08,490 adequately. Yes, it seems perfectly fine. 131 00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:12,390 The added facilities aren't here at the moment. There will be coffee and tea on 132 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:13,390 tap, so to speak. 133 00:09:13,830 --> 00:09:17,500 Astros? Naturally, we wouldn't expect the police to stub their cigarettes out 134 00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,500 the carpet, would we? 135 00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:21,480 No, we try to maintain a professional attitude towards leaving incriminating 136 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:22,480 evidence. 137 00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:25,880 Regarding the mid -morning and mid -afternoon breaks, a variety of 138 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,200 and biscuits will be made available. 139 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:28,680 Oh, sounds fine. 140 00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:31,520 Service is our motto, satisfaction our aim, Inspector. 141 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,960 Which, frankly, isn't always appreciated. 142 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,120 Oh, I'm sure you'll find our little group appreciated, Mr. Clay. 143 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,720 You would not believe the way some guests behave. 144 00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:41,400 Oh, I'm sure I would. 145 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,920 You are an entirely English contingent, I trust? 146 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,720 Pardon? 147 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,360 As you can see, our selection of dishes is quite comprehensive and reasonably 148 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:56,120 priced. When the restaurant is open, we maintain a comfortable, relaxed 149 00:09:56,120 --> 00:10:00,180 atmosphere, which I'm sure you'll... Excuse me one moment. 150 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,440 No! 151 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,100 Now, that's what I call perfect timing. 152 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,760 How's business, Quarrel? 153 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,960 You know, Harry, what with you and the bloody barman and the porter all getting 154 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,860 a rick off, it's getting to be hardly worth it. 155 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:41,440 Like they say, Mr Clegg, life is a series of misunderstandings. 156 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,700 With the greatest respect, madam, if you had... 157 00:10:44,030 --> 00:10:46,470 Tenth of the problems concerned with running a hotel of this size. 158 00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:50,290 Misunderstandings become secondary to the conviction that a cruel conspiracy 159 00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:54,150 afoot. What threat are you personally in? It is my distinct impression that is 160 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:55,150 so. 161 00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:56,630 Isn't that a little paranoid? 162 00:10:58,350 --> 00:11:00,750 Yes, well, as you can see, this is the lounge bar. 163 00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:05,950 So where's this punter you promised me, then? I mean, Pauling and Zernian, and 164 00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:09,310 I'm... Here, that's Bill, if ever I've seen him. 165 00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:12,190 Bill? The police, over there with the manager. 166 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:13,960 Well, that's possible. 167 00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:16,000 Start having a conference here today and tomorrow. 168 00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:20,320 Hey, maybe you and Pauline should work the other hotels for a couple of days, 169 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,239 huh? 170 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,220 Mario, what makes you think cops are different from any other men when it 171 00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,460 to a night away from home? 172 00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:33,820 Everything seems just fine. We'll get our bags and check in. We appreciate you 173 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:34,719 sparing the time. 174 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,720 Don't we, Sergeant? 175 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,960 Oh, very considerate. Especially taking into account the tremendous pressure of 176 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,460 running a place like this. If only everyone had your perception. 177 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,760 But then you're trained in that sort of thing, aren't you? 178 00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:45,060 Oh, definitely. 179 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:49,140 Yes, well, I hope you and your colleagues have a satisfying and 180 00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:53,640 conference. And any problems, please don't hesitate to... Thank you very 181 00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:56,320 Ah, there's our Mr. Kyle. 182 00:11:58,980 --> 00:11:59,980 This is Mr. Kyle. 183 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,440 This is some problem, Mr. Clinton. 184 00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:17,480 Inspector Forbes and, um... Sergeant Burrell. Yes. 185 00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:20,020 At the police conference. 186 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,660 Ah, yes. How do you do? 187 00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:23,940 Oh, hello. 188 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,320 Mr. Kyle is our chief security officer. 189 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,520 Oh. Are you a sir? 190 00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:35,120 Oh, call me Mackler. All my friends do, especially the pretty ones. Eh, Keith? 191 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,600 Well, I do. 192 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,780 Well, most of our lot's booked in, haven't they? 193 00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:43,690 Most of them. I'm afraid some of the rooms aren't quite ready yet, so a 194 00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:46,410 of your party are having coffee in the conference room. That includes your 195 00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:47,790 organiser, Chief Inspector Russell. 196 00:12:47,990 --> 00:12:49,910 Oh, well, we can do without him until we have to, eh? 197 00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:53,870 Oh, I'm supposed to be sharing with an old pal, Detective Inspector Slater. Is 198 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:54,870 he here? 199 00:12:55,770 --> 00:12:58,150 Yes, he's booked in. And who am I in with? 200 00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:01,550 That's Detective Sergeant Phillips. 201 00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,830 They never know your luck. Might be a WDS, eh? 202 00:13:06,710 --> 00:13:09,950 Would you like me to call the porter to take your bag? Not if he doesn't want to 203 00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:10,950 get arrested, eh? 204 00:13:14,650 --> 00:13:14,930 I 205 00:13:14,930 --> 00:13:24,110 thought 206 00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:30,790 it would be useful to have Harry here sit down with some of the 207 00:13:30,790 --> 00:13:32,010 discussion, if that's all right with you, Bill? 208 00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:34,890 Sure, yes, yes. He's one of our best security officers. I'm sure he'll be 209 00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:35,679 to make a... 210 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:36,680 Useful contribution. 211 00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:40,180 Now, I had a look at your agenda, Bill. Apart from one or two reservations, I 212 00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:41,620 think you've done a fine job. I think it's very good. 213 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,440 Well, it's very kind of you to say so, ma 'am. 214 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,100 When did you move from the porn squad to vice then, ma 'am? About a month ago. 215 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,600 Oh, I see. 216 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,040 See what? 217 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,120 Why, here at the seminar, ma 'am. I believe the oldest profession has shown 218 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,880 marked upgrowth in terms of hotel penetration. 219 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,900 If you mean there's more prostitutes plying the trade in these places, you're 220 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:02,900 right. 221 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,680 If you'll excuse me, there's someone over there I want to speak to. 222 00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:12,320 Oh, I have room service here, do they? Oh, I'm afraid not, sir. 223 00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:15,560 But should I need anything in particular, you're the man to see, 224 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,080 I'd see what I could manage, sir. Good lad. 225 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:21,600 What do I call you? 226 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,360 Well, most people call me a slippery conniving bastard, sir. 227 00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:25,960 But you can call me Jimmy. 228 00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:28,580 Very good, Jimmy. You'll do for me. 229 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:30,880 Oh, no, it's okay, Jimmy. I'll manage from here. 230 00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:34,290 Right you are, sir. Have a nice day. Oh, that's exactly what I intend to do. 231 00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:46,130 Don't tell me I'm a detective. I can work this out. 232 00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:49,230 You couldn't work out the way to the bloody neck without a grass to point the 233 00:14:49,230 --> 00:14:50,230 way for you. 234 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:59,110 Ex -Commander Dan Mason. This is one of the team. Peter Phillips. 235 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:02,250 Very pleased to meet you, sir. You're the young DS that Bill here... that 236 00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:04,630 Russell's been telling me about, hmm? Not all bad, I hope, sir. 237 00:15:04,830 --> 00:15:07,170 On the contrary, they must think something of you to let you come to one 238 00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,410 these tours. He's very keen. 239 00:15:08,610 --> 00:15:09,610 That's the spirit, lad. 240 00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,490 Too many of the youngsters these days think the job is just an excuse to sit 241 00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:15,130 around pubs and clubs pretending to be working. 242 00:15:17,229 --> 00:15:20,250 Yeah, but you're now a DCI and I'm still only a bloody inspector. 243 00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:23,410 Well, that's because you're not as careful as me, laddie. I heard about 244 00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:26,470 of trouble. Lucky to only get transferred to another team as far as I 245 00:15:26,470 --> 00:15:29,690 out. Right bloody fit -up. Oh, now, where have I had that excuse before? 246 00:15:31,570 --> 00:15:34,690 It's a bit early in the day for me, this. Oh, Robbie, shall we get through a 247 00:15:34,690 --> 00:15:36,470 load of dribble we both already know? 248 00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:38,030 So why bother to come? 249 00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,430 Oh, it gets me away from the hassle for a few days. 250 00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:43,510 A good excuse for a drink -up and a giggle with a few mates of an evening. 251 00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:46,590 Free board and lodging might even meet a dark stranger. 252 00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:48,870 Of the female gender, of course. Of course. 253 00:15:50,630 --> 00:15:52,410 Well, I suppose we'd better put in an appearance. 254 00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:56,430 Yeah, I gather your governor wants a pep talk before lunch. 255 00:15:56,690 --> 00:15:57,690 He would. 256 00:15:58,890 --> 00:15:59,910 Do you prefer it? 257 00:16:00,510 --> 00:16:03,410 Porn, bi, amounts to the same thing. Yeah, I know what you mean. 258 00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:04,690 How's that boy of yours? 259 00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:07,030 Oh, he's OK. He's graduated university. 260 00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:10,190 Doesn't want to follow in the footsteps, then? No. I can't say I'm sorry. 261 00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:12,090 We'd better make a start. 262 00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:14,890 Hello, Bill. Hello, Mary. Nice to see you again. 263 00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:17,870 I was wondering when he was going to talk to me. Oh, it's a bit difficult 264 00:16:17,870 --> 00:16:20,650 escaping from the priest's answer to Genghis Khan over there. 265 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,910 Yes, it does seem to be a bit of a pain in the arse. Oh, come on. 266 00:16:24,190 --> 00:16:27,310 Just because a man takes his job seriously, I don't mind telling you I 267 00:16:27,310 --> 00:16:29,390 mind seeing a few more around here following his example. 268 00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,469 Oh, God. 269 00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:32,730 You're not going to be a pain in the same region, are you? 270 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,410 Hmm. 271 00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:36,430 Shall we park our regions? 272 00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:39,210 Right, then. 273 00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:42,250 Now we've got the introductions over, Dan, we can get straight down to it, 274 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:48,230 Now, as you all know, we've got the Hotel Crime Collation Unit and the Hotel 275 00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:50,690 Burglary Squad working out of Paddington. 276 00:16:50,970 --> 00:16:54,090 Some of you are here to learn how that particular team operates, so you can go 277 00:16:54,090 --> 00:16:55,850 away and set up similar squads of your own. 278 00:16:56,230 --> 00:16:59,430 Now, sometime or other, in some hotel or other, just about every crime in the 279 00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:00,430 book has been committed. 280 00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:04,150 From petty theft to arson to murder. 281 00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:07,210 Fortunately for us, petty theft is more prevalent than murder. 282 00:17:08,550 --> 00:17:10,710 Right, on that note, I'm going to hand over to you, Dan. 283 00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:12,670 Thanks, Bill. 284 00:17:14,629 --> 00:17:17,030 Naturally, there is a considerable public relations problem. 285 00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:21,970 A hotel, like any other public institution, has to maintain a 286 00:17:21,970 --> 00:17:22,970 accommodating image. 287 00:17:24,069 --> 00:17:26,670 I mean, a business like this wouldn't last two minutes if it took legal 288 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:30,550 proceedings against every guest or member of the staff that took some 289 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,690 that could technically be termed a criminal offence. Does that mean that 290 00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:38,290 management and the security staff operate a kind of general cover -up 291 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:41,350 choosing not to make criminals directly connected to any particular hotel? 292 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:45,120 No, it does not mean that. It simply means that a sort of diplomatic 293 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:51,000 has to be met in order to maintain a balanced and practical solution. 294 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,440 Yes, precisely. 295 00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:57,280 A bit counterproductive as far as our job's concerned, though, isn't it? 296 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:01,200 If I understood you correctly, sir, with the use of the word technical, you were 297 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,640 referring to relatively minor offences, like, say, a guest stealing a towel or 298 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,439 something like that. 299 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,680 Yes, naturally. I wasn't referring to serious crime. 300 00:18:08,030 --> 00:18:11,170 I think we can't presume that mass rape of the chambermaids would be brought to 301 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,170 our attention. 302 00:18:13,530 --> 00:18:16,070 So what did you do with it? I stuck it in my locker, didn't I? 303 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:20,370 You never know, you get some funny requests from some punters, I can tell 304 00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:24,650 It's your balloons here. See you later, Mario. 305 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:25,709 Yeah, ciao. 306 00:18:25,710 --> 00:18:26,890 Tell me you're not serious. 307 00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:29,910 Why not? 308 00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:32,210 With police swarming all over the place. 309 00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:35,830 You've got to look at it as an adventure, Joe. 310 00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:38,210 A challenge to our prowess. 311 00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,470 What are you, mental? 312 00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:42,950 I mean, who needs you? 313 00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:44,870 Book out and go somewhere else, eh? 314 00:18:45,890 --> 00:18:46,890 No. 315 00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:48,470 I don't think so. 316 00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:51,870 I've already spotted a couple of likely prospects. 317 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:55,130 And listen, I had to work hard to get this. 318 00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:57,310 So get it made up as quick as you can. 319 00:19:01,110 --> 00:19:02,590 It's lunacy, I'm telling you. 320 00:19:03,390 --> 00:19:04,470 What the hell's that? 321 00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:08,450 It's all right. It's nothing to worry about. It's just an obligatory fire 322 00:19:08,510 --> 00:19:09,149 I expect. 323 00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:15,890 Well, don't you think that someone... How are you at 324 00:19:15,890 --> 00:19:17,470 carrying women down ladders? 325 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:22,370 Are you talking about life -saving or elopement? 326 00:19:23,190 --> 00:19:24,790 Could amount to the same thing. 327 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,870 It's a very neat line in the innuendo you've got there, Mary. 328 00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:34,690 Are you serious? You can't be serious. Well, if it is just a drill, we 329 00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:39,010 With the greatest respect, madam, it may only be a drill, but it is required by 330 00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:42,690 law. You as a police person must be aware of that. Oh, I am. Yes, I am. You 331 00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:47,350 we are on rather a tight schedule. I have a tight schedule too, Inspector, 332 00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:48,350 it's unrelenting. 333 00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:50,670 Do you know when I last had a holiday? 334 00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:53,950 My body skin hasn't seen sunlight in four years. 335 00:19:54,450 --> 00:19:55,450 Four years. 336 00:19:58,510 --> 00:19:59,570 Yeah, I know it's funny. 337 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:01,560 What do you do with a neurotic like that? 338 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,980 Take him to the movies to see The Towering Inferno. 339 00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:12,140 Nice to get away from home for the night. 340 00:20:12,740 --> 00:20:14,260 Yeah, well, it's a change anyway. 341 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,120 How's your love life? 342 00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:21,280 Well, it has been four years. 343 00:20:22,580 --> 00:20:23,580 Yes. 344 00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:26,840 Well... Well, there is this bloke, I see. 345 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,160 Do you speak with him? 346 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,820 All right, none of my business. I'm just looking to see how it is. 347 00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:33,820 He's in the job. 348 00:20:34,180 --> 00:20:35,700 D .I. in the art and antiques squad. 349 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,560 Oh! 350 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,700 Oh, God, it must be serious. 351 00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:45,140 Bad enough trying to survive a relationship when only one of you's a 352 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,400 Mine and Ray's worked out all right. 353 00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:50,120 There's a tendency to get sentimental in retrospect, love. 354 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,300 I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. 355 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:53,580 It's all right, love, forget it. 356 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,000 Like you said, it has been four years. 357 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,160 And you're a cop, not a nun. 358 00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:00,340 As your love laughs. 359 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,860 Well, there is no bloke I fancy. 360 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,120 Only he's married. 361 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,420 Only just as far as I can make out. 362 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:08,640 And a cop. 363 00:21:09,020 --> 00:21:10,460 I'm going to have a tidy up. 364 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,340 That's the finest bloody game in the world. 365 00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:18,540 After football. 366 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:19,539 Same again, Murray. 367 00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:21,280 I'll tell the signer Amos here, Keith. 368 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,860 Rugby for the men, football for the boys. And your rugby man has more fun, 369 00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:26,760 unlike your football hooligan. Am I right? 370 00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:27,980 Right. 371 00:21:28,140 --> 00:21:30,020 Hey, show him that picture I took at our last do. 372 00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:31,600 Oh, come on, come on. Show him. 373 00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:35,120 And a right old giggle I can tell you. Come on, come on. I know you've got it 374 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,120 you. 375 00:21:39,940 --> 00:21:41,880 Supped a few drams that night, didn't we, Keith? 376 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:43,740 I must have done to have stood for that. 377 00:21:43,980 --> 00:21:45,120 You look lovely. 378 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:52,380 Tell me, I've often wondered, wearing that stuff, I mean, does it feel nice? 379 00:21:55,470 --> 00:21:57,610 A lot nicer than a punch in the mouth. 380 00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:00,290 Character, that's what we're all about, lad. 381 00:22:00,770 --> 00:22:04,010 Character. That's very interesting, sir. Sort of a prerequisite, as you might 382 00:22:04,010 --> 00:22:05,110 say. I'm spotless background. 383 00:22:05,430 --> 00:22:06,430 Essentially an early police officer. 384 00:22:07,030 --> 00:22:08,850 You did play Perrier, wasn't you? Oh, yes, yes. 385 00:22:09,090 --> 00:22:10,089 I never taught you. 386 00:22:10,090 --> 00:22:12,750 Well, I only have the odd lager, you know, to be sociable. 387 00:22:13,350 --> 00:22:15,690 Perrier water, please. Oh, I'll be too. 388 00:22:16,430 --> 00:22:18,890 And grapefruit juice, please. 389 00:22:34,970 --> 00:22:37,550 Oh, I was, um, wondering if you'd come down to lunch. 390 00:22:38,050 --> 00:22:40,470 No, no, I don't think so. I think I'll give it a miss. 391 00:22:41,070 --> 00:22:42,270 One meal a day does me. 392 00:22:44,590 --> 00:22:49,570 Yeah, I've got a bit of a cold coming on, so I'll see you later. 393 00:22:57,050 --> 00:23:02,310 Another thing to remember, lad, if you move up, never have anyone on your team 394 00:23:02,310 --> 00:23:03,830 with any kind of blemish on his record sheet. 395 00:23:04,730 --> 00:23:05,910 I'll keep that in mind, sir. 396 00:23:06,350 --> 00:23:09,030 Well, thank God there's not too many like that pompous that he's about. 397 00:23:09,230 --> 00:23:09,909 There are. 398 00:23:09,910 --> 00:23:11,350 I had one on my back, remember? 399 00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:14,750 Well, I can tell you this. I am really pissed off. 400 00:23:15,190 --> 00:23:18,970 I have to share a room with goody -two -shoes. We ought to teach him a lesson. 401 00:23:19,430 --> 00:23:23,050 Well, if you want my opinion, young wallies like that need to be taught a 402 00:23:23,050 --> 00:23:24,190 on the ground rules early on. 403 00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:27,250 And maybe we can help in that direction. 404 00:23:48,409 --> 00:23:49,409 No, 405 00:23:56,210 --> 00:23:57,630 Giorgio, it's the last word. 406 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,380 I'd have thought you'd be having lunch with your old mate from up north, sir. 407 00:24:11,380 --> 00:24:12,500 prefers a liquid one. 408 00:24:13,300 --> 00:24:14,860 You don't mind me sitting here, do you? 409 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:16,320 Oh, no, no, sir. 410 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,760 Cut the sir crap, Pete. We're not at the factory now. 411 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:28,140 The fact is, there's something come up that's, well, sort of put me in an 412 00:24:28,140 --> 00:24:29,140 awkward position. 413 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:31,180 Anything I can do to help? 414 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,840 I was thinking of confiding in Jake. 415 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:43,420 But, uh... Well, since you and me are new boys on the team, so to speak... 416 00:24:43,420 --> 00:24:50,400 Maybe... Well... Take a look 417 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:51,400 at this. 418 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,080 Blimey! 419 00:24:55,420 --> 00:24:58,840 Is that... Yeah? D .I. Keith Williams of the region. 420 00:24:59,580 --> 00:25:01,320 Colleague and friend of a friend. 421 00:25:02,420 --> 00:25:04,980 For a cop, he has a serious problem. 422 00:25:05,690 --> 00:25:06,690 It's not right, Pete. 423 00:25:06,910 --> 00:25:07,990 But he looks happy. 424 00:25:08,390 --> 00:25:09,390 Is that possible? 425 00:25:09,810 --> 00:25:10,810 Afraid so. 426 00:25:13,950 --> 00:25:16,450 I thought Bill Russell was joining us for lunch. 427 00:25:17,010 --> 00:25:18,010 What? 428 00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:21,590 Our erstwhile organiser appears to be missing. 429 00:25:21,990 --> 00:25:25,690 Oh, yes, he's in his room. He's got some reports to catch up on. 430 00:25:26,090 --> 00:25:27,090 Got to find them. 431 00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:31,930 Why am I getting the feeling I'm missing something here? 432 00:25:53,590 --> 00:25:57,950 It doesn't matter how I found out all of it. The thing is, what do I do about 433 00:25:57,950 --> 00:26:01,230 it? Funny, I was just talking to Mr Mason about this sort of thing earlier. 434 00:26:01,430 --> 00:26:02,430 Really? 435 00:26:02,630 --> 00:26:07,110 Look, Jack, I'd be the last one to want to put a colleague in it. But, um, 436 00:26:07,210 --> 00:26:11,230 perhaps a discreet word in estimation, dear. No need no but up. 437 00:26:12,190 --> 00:26:14,590 Frankly, it's a bit disturbing. 438 00:26:15,070 --> 00:26:20,310 You know, me sharing a room with a... Well, not all transvestites are raving 439 00:26:20,310 --> 00:26:21,089 high and speed. 440 00:26:21,090 --> 00:26:22,670 A lot of them are married with kids. 441 00:26:23,450 --> 00:26:27,070 Of course, Williams isn't married, so I don't know where his inclinations lie. 442 00:26:27,950 --> 00:26:29,090 Oh, my God. 443 00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:31,750 Don't worry. 444 00:26:32,050 --> 00:26:34,170 He's not likely to try any of that. 445 00:26:34,930 --> 00:26:35,930 Well... 446 00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:39,950 Molestation stuff with you, is he? Not with all that's not been about. 447 00:26:40,370 --> 00:26:43,030 But he outranks me. I mean, what if he... Don't worry. 448 00:26:43,230 --> 00:26:44,370 I'll think of something. 449 00:26:44,650 --> 00:26:47,830 Get this afternoon session over first. In the meantime. 450 00:26:48,750 --> 00:26:49,750 Stumpf, right? 451 00:26:52,650 --> 00:26:55,350 It's not exactly a secret around the station he has problems on the domestic 452 00:26:55,350 --> 00:26:56,309 front, is it? 453 00:26:56,310 --> 00:26:58,630 Well, that doesn't make it a subject for public debate. 454 00:26:59,270 --> 00:27:02,230 Oh, but a little gossip among friends is OK, isn't it? 455 00:27:02,630 --> 00:27:04,530 Free from any personal motive, of course. 456 00:27:06,950 --> 00:27:13,530 Naturally. I don't even want one. 457 00:27:16,190 --> 00:27:20,230 Did he fall for it? Like the three -card trick. He's one in a million. 458 00:27:23,750 --> 00:27:26,570 Conventional mortise locks are fast becoming obsolete. 459 00:27:27,090 --> 00:27:33,150 This little item is taking over. The card key, programmed to open 460 00:27:33,150 --> 00:27:34,150 locks. 461 00:27:34,490 --> 00:27:38,250 Most of you will be familiar with it, but for those of you who aren't, there 462 00:27:38,250 --> 00:27:41,590 some very interesting aspects to this bit of modern technology. 463 00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:45,670 In the first place, duplication is virtually impossible. 464 00:27:46,810 --> 00:27:51,150 Before recommending this type of lot to the company I work for, I engaged two 465 00:27:51,150 --> 00:27:54,070 first -rate engineers to try to copy one of these. 466 00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:58,850 They were given two days in which to do it, and they failed. 467 00:27:59,990 --> 00:28:01,510 Perhaps you pass the card round, Bill. 468 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,280 Well, what would stop someone using it if they found a lost gun? 469 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,960 Well, firstly, they wouldn't know which hotel it fitted. It isn't indicated, you 470 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:08,859 see. 471 00:28:08,860 --> 00:28:12,520 And secondly, if it was found on the hotel premises, they wouldn't know which 472 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:13,520 room it fitted. 473 00:28:14,380 --> 00:28:19,040 The room number and the name of the guest are written in a special ink, 474 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,460 only with special infrared equipment kept by security. 475 00:28:21,860 --> 00:28:25,160 Also, the combination of any lock can be changed by the computer within minutes. 476 00:28:25,460 --> 00:28:26,840 Well, it's changed regularly anyway. 477 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:28,460 Still doesn't make them foolproof. 478 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:29,720 Oh? How's that? 479 00:28:30,110 --> 00:28:32,590 Well, a lot of hotel villains only book in the case, the place and the punters. 480 00:28:32,770 --> 00:28:34,650 Say he was fortunate enough to see someone drop his card. 481 00:28:34,870 --> 00:28:36,830 He could cop it and use it before anyone was the wiser. 482 00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:40,290 I think the odds against that are about the same as winning the pools. 483 00:28:41,290 --> 00:28:42,290 Precisely. 484 00:29:17,390 --> 00:29:19,610 As you know, call girls work for escort agencies. 485 00:29:20,170 --> 00:29:22,430 We can hardly monitor the guests' private phone calls. 486 00:29:22,690 --> 00:29:25,910 And even presuming we see the girls arrive and go up to a room, we'd still 487 00:29:25,910 --> 00:29:29,270 a hell of a job proving it's for immoral purposes, short of using the 488 00:29:29,270 --> 00:29:32,650 inflagrante delecto technique, bursting in on them, which I'm sure the 489 00:29:32,650 --> 00:29:35,830 management would strongly disagree with. I'm not naive enough to think 490 00:29:35,830 --> 00:29:39,610 otherwise, Mr Kyle, but you can't tell me you don't get to recognise a lot of 491 00:29:39,610 --> 00:29:40,569 these girls. 492 00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:44,410 Yes, and it's a known fact that it's fairly common practice for some of the 493 00:29:44,410 --> 00:29:46,570 hotel staff to be on the payroll of these agencies. 494 00:29:47,050 --> 00:29:48,170 Or even the girls themselves. 495 00:29:48,930 --> 00:29:52,790 Supply clients for them. And for that to work in practical terms, it would mean 496 00:29:52,790 --> 00:29:56,510 using the same few agencies or the same girls. You still have to prove that the 497 00:29:56,510 --> 00:29:58,310 agencies are a front for prostitution. 498 00:29:58,610 --> 00:29:59,670 And that's police business. 499 00:30:00,030 --> 00:30:02,790 Fat lot we can do if you don't give us any useful info. 500 00:30:03,970 --> 00:30:05,690 Ah, here comes the girl with the tray. 501 00:30:06,110 --> 00:30:07,730 As we used to say years ago at the pictures. 502 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,740 You can't try to say it from their angle, Maggie. 503 00:30:14,940 --> 00:30:18,560 I mean, obviously, no hotel likes scandal or any sort of adverse 504 00:30:18,660 --> 00:30:20,460 which leaves security slap -bang in the middle. 505 00:30:20,940 --> 00:30:23,700 As employees, they're expected to be loyal to the hotel, right? 506 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:28,160 Do their job, that is, to forestall as much criminal activity as they can, at 507 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,820 the same time causing the least amount of embarrassment. 508 00:30:30,460 --> 00:30:33,860 Oh, please, I know that. I've heard that excuse a thousand times today, but it 509 00:30:33,860 --> 00:30:35,500 still seems to make the whole exercise redundant. 510 00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:37,180 He winked at me. 511 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,580 What? Williams, during the conference, he winked at me. 512 00:30:40,900 --> 00:30:41,900 No. 513 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:43,360 He wouldn't be that. 514 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,880 Are you sure? I'm telling you, he winked at me. 515 00:30:47,380 --> 00:30:51,820 Oh, maybe. It was just a casual, friendly sort of wink. No, no, there was 516 00:30:51,820 --> 00:30:54,460 mistaking. It was, it was rotating. 517 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,120 I hope you're joining us for dinner tonight. 518 00:31:00,660 --> 00:31:01,659 Hmm. 519 00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:02,880 Oh, no. One condition. 520 00:31:03,900 --> 00:31:04,900 Just you and me. 521 00:31:05,620 --> 00:31:08,280 Oh, Mary and Jake might find that a bit odd, especially to miss lunch. 522 00:31:09,420 --> 00:31:12,520 I'd appreciate it if you could fob them off with some plausible excuse. 523 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:15,360 Right. 524 00:31:16,020 --> 00:31:17,240 Well, you must clock off sometime. 525 00:31:17,540 --> 00:31:19,020 I'm on late shift this evening. 526 00:31:19,340 --> 00:31:20,340 I'm here all night. 527 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,680 I'm sure my boyfriend will be glad to know that. 528 00:31:22,980 --> 00:31:25,160 Ah. Do you think if I use a different aftershave? 529 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:30,880 Must try something. 530 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:32,920 OK? No. 531 00:31:33,340 --> 00:31:34,700 Still, how is Mike? 532 00:31:34,900 --> 00:31:37,880 Oh, he's fine. He's just putting his final coat on the bathroom. There must 533 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,530 love. Yeah, something like that. Oh, look, Jake, a bet initial. 534 00:31:41,430 --> 00:31:43,590 Bill Russell would prefer your exclusive company? How do you know? 535 00:31:43,970 --> 00:31:45,550 Instinct. My greatest asset is a copper. 536 00:31:45,930 --> 00:31:46,909 Oh, it's OK. 537 00:31:46,910 --> 00:31:48,010 I'll eat and have a drink with the lads. 538 00:31:49,770 --> 00:31:52,870 So he put it in the box and he gave it to the porter to get rid of it. 539 00:31:53,210 --> 00:31:55,830 What about the guest who left it? What did he have to say? 540 00:31:56,050 --> 00:31:57,050 He's already booked out. 541 00:31:57,190 --> 00:31:59,350 I tell you, he's a crazy man, this assistant manager. 542 00:32:00,430 --> 00:32:02,410 A couple of toms, I wouldn't mind betting, eh, Mario? 543 00:32:03,950 --> 00:32:05,190 Toms? Brasses. 544 00:32:06,030 --> 00:32:07,030 Wars. On the game. 545 00:32:08,309 --> 00:32:10,050 I wouldn't know. I'm just a barman. 546 00:32:10,250 --> 00:32:11,450 Oh, of course not. 547 00:32:11,890 --> 00:32:15,010 But don't worry, we're just a bunch of off -duty cops out for an evening's fun. 548 00:32:15,890 --> 00:32:17,230 We're not looking to nick anyone. 549 00:32:17,710 --> 00:32:19,210 You can tell them that if you like. 550 00:32:23,870 --> 00:32:27,010 Ads could be just what we're looking for. 551 00:32:28,050 --> 00:32:29,050 You ready, Judge? 552 00:32:36,090 --> 00:32:37,090 Learn it. 553 00:32:40,350 --> 00:32:41,430 Absolutely. Don't worry. 554 00:32:42,030 --> 00:32:45,310 They'll all be tucked up with classic hangovers by the morning. 555 00:32:47,310 --> 00:32:49,070 No, of course I don't mind. 556 00:32:49,470 --> 00:32:53,730 Spending an evening with a crowd of boozy males like that Macfarlane on my 557 00:32:53,730 --> 00:32:56,010 will be a singularly exciting experience. 558 00:32:56,630 --> 00:32:57,409 I'm sorry, Mary. 559 00:32:57,410 --> 00:32:58,410 I could hardly refuse. 560 00:32:58,690 --> 00:33:01,450 No, it's all right. I'll have an early dinner and curl up with a good book. 561 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:07,000 What gives me the need, Liz? It's not my sympathetic ear he wants to talk into. 562 00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:10,860 Women have problems too, you know. No kidding. 563 00:33:12,460 --> 00:33:16,020 He'll never stand it. He'll stand it. Oh, come on, you can't take it that far. 564 00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:18,400 Do that and only his laundry will tell a full story. 565 00:33:19,460 --> 00:33:22,960 We all had strokes pulled on us when we were young wallies in the job. It's just 566 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,600 a sort of bloody initiation, isn't it? 567 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,000 Make a man of you. 568 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,000 Make some of us if Russell finds out. 569 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:29,840 Only if he outranked me. 570 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,440 And he doesn't. 571 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:35,640 Ah, Miss Woods. 572 00:33:36,460 --> 00:33:37,940 We seem to be the early birds. 573 00:33:39,420 --> 00:33:40,420 May I join you? 574 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:44,340 No, er, that is, yes, of course. By all means, Mr Mason. 575 00:33:44,860 --> 00:33:48,120 Jan! No need to be formal. I'm not on the fork any more, you know. 576 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:49,880 More's the pity. 577 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,780 Best years of my life, I can tell you. 578 00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:54,700 Really? 579 00:33:57,340 --> 00:34:00,700 It was that little coo that got me promoted to sergeant. How enthralling. 580 00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:04,260 Nowadays. Much harder, believe me. 581 00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:06,540 New college degree, the inspector at 25. 582 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:10,020 College degree has never made a proper cover, believe me. 583 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,159 Not a bloody theoretical factor. 584 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:16,840 Really? 585 00:34:20,340 --> 00:34:22,320 That's why I confided in Jake, Peter. 586 00:34:22,540 --> 00:34:26,380 He overheard Williams on the phone in the lobby, arranged to meet a couple of 587 00:34:26,380 --> 00:34:28,420 friends of his from the Valtieri Club. 588 00:34:30,219 --> 00:34:31,820 You know what sort of a place that is. 589 00:34:32,670 --> 00:34:34,389 Huh? Tell him, Jake. 590 00:34:34,670 --> 00:34:37,110 Well, it's where birds of a feather flock together. 591 00:34:37,969 --> 00:34:41,270 Oh? You can't even get in unless you're in drag. 592 00:34:43,389 --> 00:34:44,389 Oh. 593 00:34:46,870 --> 00:34:49,350 And a bottle of the Chateauneuf -du -Pape, huh? 594 00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:52,510 I hope that's going on the expense account. 595 00:34:53,409 --> 00:34:54,850 Seems like a good idea, doesn't it? 596 00:34:55,710 --> 00:34:56,750 You have to be kidding. 597 00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:58,230 Oh, no, perfectly serious, love. 598 00:34:58,770 --> 00:34:59,950 Now, come on, what do you say? 599 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,380 Perhaps only a short cab ride. 600 00:35:04,420 --> 00:35:06,580 I suppose we could find something suitable. 601 00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:10,060 Listen, we're strictly off -duty, so I don't want you to think that you're 602 00:35:10,060 --> 00:35:11,760 any, you know, duress. 603 00:35:12,580 --> 00:35:14,640 If you like, you police -esque. 604 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:21,960 It only took me six months after being promoted to superintendent before I 605 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:22,960 became a chief super. 606 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,760 There's a rather interesting story behind that. 607 00:35:27,740 --> 00:35:28,740 I'm not going to... 608 00:35:30,970 --> 00:35:32,110 Start a portioning plane. 609 00:35:33,490 --> 00:35:35,450 You know something's got to be wrong, don't you? 610 00:35:36,530 --> 00:35:40,430 When you find yourself putting your own front door key in the lock and your guts 611 00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:41,430 start tightening up. 612 00:35:42,590 --> 00:35:43,790 So you mate in the kitchen. 613 00:35:44,650 --> 00:35:46,630 Commonplace remote, like watch how your day goes. 614 00:35:48,250 --> 00:35:52,030 Find that's the cue for the bloody argument that's going to go on and on 615 00:35:52,030 --> 00:35:53,030 You stop arguing. 616 00:35:53,170 --> 00:35:56,090 What do you do? You go into the long silences. 617 00:35:57,590 --> 00:35:58,770 Endless, endless silences. 618 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:07,540 Find myself... Find myself saying, I think I should requisition a couple of 619 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:10,000 walkie -talkies and maybe that way we could communicate. 620 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,300 That didn't go down very well. 621 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:14,280 No. 622 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,440 No. 623 00:36:20,580 --> 00:36:22,420 Wrong profession to be married into. 624 00:36:24,660 --> 00:36:25,660 Doctors and cops. 625 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:28,320 Yeah. 626 00:36:30,380 --> 00:36:31,800 No, not for me. 627 00:36:32,740 --> 00:36:33,740 Oh, 628 00:36:33,860 --> 00:36:36,360 you're just going to sound like a nagging wife. Don't you think you'd 629 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:37,360 ease up? 630 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,400 Prefer a bottle? 631 00:36:38,740 --> 00:36:42,260 Well, it's either this or a couple of sleeping pills tonight. I'm going to be 632 00:36:42,260 --> 00:36:43,260 perfectly honest. 633 00:36:43,340 --> 00:36:44,360 This goes down better. 634 00:36:47,540 --> 00:36:51,320 What do you mean, leave it? We can't just leave it unresolved. 635 00:36:51,620 --> 00:36:54,600 I don't really see what else we can do, Pete, if you really think about it. 636 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,640 Look, I have to sleep in the same room with him. 637 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,780 Well, just make sure your sheets are well tucked in. 638 00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:01,600 It's just a little levity. Keep things in perspective. 639 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,460 Oh, you took your time. 640 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,060 Hard time getting a cab. 641 00:37:11,300 --> 00:37:12,920 It doesn't matter. They're here and they've got the gear. 642 00:37:13,140 --> 00:37:14,140 Let's have a look then. 643 00:37:15,060 --> 00:37:16,060 Quick, get here. 644 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,240 It's OK, it won't be jacked. 645 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:22,999 Where's Phillips? 646 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,880 Downstairs over his old private trauma. 647 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,100 Jake's going to tell us when he's on his way out. 648 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:28,480 Where are the girls? 649 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:29,600 In here. 650 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:32,760 Hello, ladies. 651 00:37:33,100 --> 00:37:34,058 Hello. 652 00:37:34,060 --> 00:37:35,060 Let's have a look then. 653 00:37:35,660 --> 00:37:37,820 Where did you take that out from? 654 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,540 It's bloody enormous. 655 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,840 Well, it's one of my regulars. In accents, what do you think? What is it, 656 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:44,840 love the jacket? 657 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:45,960 No, I don't pee. 658 00:37:50,540 --> 00:37:52,240 Just the one, just the one. 659 00:37:52,460 --> 00:37:53,460 Sorry. 660 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:57,120 I promise no more boring talk about domestics right now. It's okay, that I 661 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:58,220 handle. You can handle it. 662 00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,140 Get the chance. Yeah, it's all right. It's coming. 663 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:06,920 That's a wiki for me, a brandy for my glamorous friend. 664 00:38:07,180 --> 00:38:08,340 And make him large with it. 665 00:38:11,060 --> 00:38:12,060 He's on his way up. 666 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,180 Thank you for an early night's sleep, sir. 667 00:38:27,500 --> 00:38:29,580 Yes, must get my beauty sleep. 668 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:38,440 You're staring, son. 669 00:38:40,460 --> 00:38:42,660 No, no, sir, I... It's the cover. 670 00:38:43,260 --> 00:38:44,560 You don't think it suits me? 671 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,140 No, no, sir, really. I knew it. 672 00:38:50,300 --> 00:38:51,480 You think it's tacky? 673 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,680 No, no, no, it's very, um, nice. 674 00:38:55,310 --> 00:38:56,109 Thank you. 675 00:38:56,110 --> 00:39:01,810 With so little choice in my size, me being so big, I do love the feeling of 676 00:39:01,810 --> 00:39:04,570 chiffon, so soothing after a hard day. 677 00:39:08,290 --> 00:39:12,450 You see, there's something so uniquely satisfying about women's clothes. 678 00:39:12,930 --> 00:39:14,110 Very calming. 679 00:39:14,430 --> 00:39:15,490 Well, sir, 680 00:39:16,190 --> 00:39:18,210 I think I understand. 681 00:39:18,650 --> 00:39:20,270 Oh, I do hope so. 682 00:39:22,670 --> 00:39:24,910 If you'd rather be on your own... No, no, no. 683 00:39:25,890 --> 00:39:30,510 You're a man of the world, and I know I can rely on your discretion. 684 00:39:31,310 --> 00:39:38,230 Oh, um... Oh, yes, yes, of course, sir. Peter, off duty I like my friends 685 00:39:38,230 --> 00:39:40,950 to call me Ruby. 686 00:39:44,730 --> 00:39:48,010 Oh, dear. 687 00:39:48,710 --> 00:39:50,730 My little secret is out. 688 00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:56,860 Peter. I do hope you don't mind that I've invited a couple of mates up from 689 00:39:56,860 --> 00:39:59,540 End Central just for a little drinky. 690 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,580 Eric, Trevor, come and say hello to dear Peter. 691 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,000 Hello, Peter. 692 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:07,520 Hello. 693 00:40:10,380 --> 00:40:11,920 Ruby. Oh, 694 00:40:12,980 --> 00:40:16,720 well, I'm glad you think it's so funny, but you weren't there. It was... it was 695 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:21,200 macabre. I'm going back up there. They were coppers, Jake. All right, calm 696 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,580 Calm down. I'm telling you, Jake, when those two perverts came out of the 697 00:40:24,580 --> 00:40:26,480 bathroom, it was unbelievable. 698 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:27,900 They were just like real women. 699 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:29,520 They were. 700 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,260 What? Real women, you berk. Do you need a diagram? 701 00:40:33,820 --> 00:40:34,820 It's a wind -up. 702 00:40:35,820 --> 00:40:39,520 You... You bastard. 703 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:43,140 You dirty, rotten bastard. Oh, come on. Where's your sense of humour? 704 00:40:43,340 --> 00:40:46,480 Oh, we made you look a right... Oh, God, I was nearly on the point of telling 705 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:47,480 Mason. 706 00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:48,740 Now, there's a thought. 707 00:40:50,620 --> 00:40:51,578 Refill, Ruby. 708 00:40:51,580 --> 00:40:53,500 The last will save him tonight. 709 00:40:53,960 --> 00:41:00,420 Poor little thought. It's too much. I nearly brought the habit of a lifetime 710 00:41:00,420 --> 00:41:01,420 offered him a freebie. 711 00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:04,780 Oh, that'll be Jake. 712 00:41:08,620 --> 00:41:13,580 What do you ask for, sir? 713 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,980 Oh, great lad, great. Did you bring the passkey? Yes, sir, but you'd better be 714 00:41:17,980 --> 00:41:19,880 quick. I'll be back shortly. 715 00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:22,340 Oh, Jill, too. 716 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,500 That's when I decided to retire. 717 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,160 From the force, that is. 718 00:41:33,980 --> 00:41:34,980 I'll take up this job. 719 00:41:36,780 --> 00:41:39,200 Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Has its interesting side. 720 00:41:41,100 --> 00:41:42,100 Get the students, Jill. 721 00:41:43,150 --> 00:41:44,830 Do you want to know what I think happened to Lord Lucan? 722 00:41:45,450 --> 00:41:46,850 Telephone call for Mr Mason. 723 00:41:47,370 --> 00:41:48,790 Telephone call for Mr Mason. 724 00:41:49,630 --> 00:41:50,630 Damn. 725 00:41:50,830 --> 00:41:52,290 Just when I was beginning to enjoy myself. 726 00:41:53,490 --> 00:41:54,368 Don't go away. 727 00:41:54,370 --> 00:41:55,370 I'll be straight back. 728 00:42:06,790 --> 00:42:07,890 Mr Clegg here. 729 00:42:08,310 --> 00:42:09,830 I wouldn't have bothered you personally, sir. 730 00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:13,240 But if a rebuke has to be administered, I thought you were the most senior 731 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:14,240 officer. 732 00:42:15,220 --> 00:42:16,660 Yes, I quite understand. 733 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:18,400 Go on. 734 00:42:18,420 --> 00:42:20,960 I've already had three complaints about the noise from 309. 735 00:42:21,420 --> 00:42:24,160 The last even suggested there might be an orgy in progress. 736 00:42:25,020 --> 00:42:26,020 Orgy? 737 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:27,440 Are you sure? 738 00:42:27,460 --> 00:42:29,480 Well, who made this complaint? 739 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,640 That I'm not at liberty to divulge. But his credentials are impeccable. 740 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:35,200 He's a man of cloth. 741 00:42:36,260 --> 00:42:37,260 Oh, very well. 742 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:38,960 I'll deal with it right away. 743 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:04,080 And another drinky brew won't do us any harm. 744 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,580 Look, I've just received a disturbing phone call, Bill. Could you come along 745 00:43:40,580 --> 00:43:42,540 with me to... Oh. 746 00:43:43,700 --> 00:43:45,480 It's all right, Dan. It's not what you think. 747 00:43:46,580 --> 00:43:48,140 Besides, he already has company. 748 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:54,120 What the hell is going on here? I think we've got a practical joke. Now, Flina, 749 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:55,260 this is your idea. 750 00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,200 Oh, look at me. I'm looking at you. 751 00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:02,520 What's going on in here? Oh, can't a girl have a private party without this 752 00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:04,420 of outrageous intruder? 753 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:06,400 This is gross. It's gross. 754 00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,620 Oh, why don't you shut up, you bloody pompous ball? You're not a commander any 755 00:44:10,620 --> 00:44:12,740 more, you know. I'll see your discipline for this. Oh, please. 756 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:17,840 I don't suppose any of you schoolboys happen to have a pin upon his person? 757 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:22,660 I'm going to go to bed. Good night, Maggie. I'm going to bed. Night. 758 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:24,040 Night, children. 759 00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:25,080 Night! 760 00:44:26,260 --> 00:44:28,800 Last time you were at this hotel, you're a flack. 761 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:30,200 Keep out of it, Harry. 762 00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:35,740 Unless you want your button up. Anyone want another drink? Yes, please. 763 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:47,280 Interesting evening. 764 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,560 Well, yes, yes. I think you could say that. 765 00:44:51,660 --> 00:44:53,640 I've got something very interesting to show you. 766 00:44:54,180 --> 00:44:55,180 Really? 767 00:45:00,820 --> 00:45:01,820 OK, 768 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:07,160 right. Here you are. Thank you. 769 00:45:08,140 --> 00:45:09,140 Morning, 770 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:12,920 Ruby. 771 00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:15,160 Don't start. 772 00:45:46,540 --> 00:45:49,500 Oh, Philip, you'll never live it down. You should have known better. 773 00:45:49,740 --> 00:45:53,080 All I can say in my defence, when a DC asks you to join in, follow orders. 774 00:45:53,300 --> 00:45:54,600 Where did he spend the night? 775 00:45:54,980 --> 00:45:55,980 Went home, didn't he? 776 00:46:00,900 --> 00:46:03,260 Ruby seems to have lost his appetite this morning. 777 00:46:04,180 --> 00:46:10,940 I'll have two fried eggs, sausages, kidneys, oh, and fried bread, and a bowl 778 00:46:10,940 --> 00:46:13,040 the loudest breakfast cereal you've got, please. 779 00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:14,320 Yes, sir. Subito. 780 00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:29,700 So where were you all night? 781 00:46:32,460 --> 00:46:33,460 Consoling a friend. 782 00:46:39,500 --> 00:46:40,500 Morning. 783 00:46:41,240 --> 00:46:42,240 Morning. 784 00:46:43,300 --> 00:46:44,300 Sleep well? 785 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:07,440 Why me? 786 00:47:07,660 --> 00:47:08,660 Why me? 787 00:47:08,940 --> 00:47:10,920 I'm a person, too. Why should I be persecuted? 788 00:47:11,420 --> 00:47:15,580 I hate this job. I hate it. Calm yourself, Mr. Clegg. The police are 789 00:47:15,580 --> 00:47:16,519 with everything. 790 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,060 But a meat cleaver in the head. 791 00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:19,480 Blood everywhere. 792 00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:20,640 There would be. 793 00:47:20,740 --> 00:47:22,760 God, how inconsiderate can you get? 794 00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:24,980 Cream patinelle in the kitchens. 795 00:47:25,810 --> 00:47:26,810 It's unhygienic. 796 00:47:27,370 --> 00:47:29,230 The health inspectors will close us down. 797 00:47:41,110 --> 00:47:44,450 I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. Not after last night. 798 00:47:44,650 --> 00:47:48,350 An attempted murder. Now this woman claims she's been robbed of £10 ,000 799 00:47:48,350 --> 00:47:49,990 of jewellery. At a police convention. 800 00:47:50,450 --> 00:47:51,630 It does seem rather excessive. 801 00:47:52,210 --> 00:47:54,490 Well, in my opinion, it seems like a lot of jewellery for a guest to lose in a 802 00:47:54,490 --> 00:47:55,490 hotel of this grade. 803 00:47:55,630 --> 00:47:56,630 What do you mean by that? 804 00:47:56,710 --> 00:47:57,710 What's wrong with this hotel? 805 00:47:58,030 --> 00:47:59,070 You must be joking. 806 00:48:00,250 --> 00:48:04,010 Look, I think the best thing we can do under the circumstances is we'll leave 807 00:48:04,010 --> 00:48:06,470 this to the Paddington Hotel Squad to get on with the conference. 808 00:48:07,190 --> 00:48:09,610 After that, we can all go home and catch up on our sleep. 809 00:49:01,070 --> 00:49:02,070 Fuck!